What YouTube is for...

Via Wongablog, there can be little doubt that the prime function of the world's most popular video site, besides providing cheap blogging fodder, should be to disseminate the reinterpretation of the stand-up comedy of Eddie Izzard through the medium of Lego:



More here.

"Try something new each day"

This story is a sad one:

An 82-year-old Argentine woman who attracted media attention last month when she married a 24-year-old man has died as a result of heart problems.

Adelfa Volpes was admitted to hospital soon after she and her new husband, Reinaldo Waveqche, returned from their honeymoon in Brazil.

I hope they had a chance to consummate their relationship. Then again, maybe that's what finished her off.

Anyway, as a tribute, here is a trailer for the greatest love story ever filmed - a tale of illicit love blossoming between a young man and a woman sixty years his senior - which I guess Reinaldo and Adelfa would have loved too: Harold and Maude.



Worth seeking out on DVD, if only for the terrific Cat Stevens soundtrack.

It shouldn't happen to a dog

Despite the name, I usually avoid shaggy dog stories, but even I couldn't pass this up. Mr Eugenides draws our attention to the latest crazy ohmygodthatcantberealcanit event from America. In Las Vegas, of course, people are taking the art of dog grooming to bizarre levels (I say levels because I don't know whether these are heights or depths we're talking about) and are turning their four-legged friends into living, ahem, works of art.

Or the freakiest muts since Teenwolf.

There's a full story with pictures here, but I offer you a taste, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas:

Photo Daniel A. Anderson / Orange County Register

Not dead, just sleeping. Now awake.

Hi all,

It feels like longer than a month since I wrote something. Delay in doing so caused by several reasons, but latterly the lack of internet in my flat here in Portugal (yes, made it back for another year) until yesterday. Now, thanks to the good people at Kanguru, I can communicate with the world again.

I promised in my last post that I would post some stuff about my trip to Northern Ireland. I've been all around the world, but I can honestly say I don't think I've ever had as pleasant a holiday as that one. I walked along the North Antrim coast, which was beautiful and met up with several interesting characters on the way (including a Swedish guy who had been on his country's version of Survivor - the first reality TV contestant I've ever met). The only negative thing was that I left my camera somewhere up there, meaning I don't have some of my snaps (and I need to get a new camera...). Compounding the prob is that my new Kanguru connection is too slow to upload pictures, so I can't even post the pictures I didn't lose.

I am now back in Portugal and enjoying the 26 degree sunshine immensely. Torres Vedras looks a picture in this weather and we even had the honour (I guess, do the likes of Blackpool and Bournemouth feel honoured?) of having the Social Democrat Prty conference here last week. This meant there were several men in suits wandering about the streets carrying orange folders and some shots of the inside of the conference centre on the evening news. The new shopping centre and cinema open tomorrow, so all in all things are looking up.

I'll try to keep you posted on whether they stay that way.

The pipes, the pipes are calling...

Hmm, off to Northern Ireland this afternoon for a week's walking. Am looking forward to it, as have never been before and always enjoy discovering new places etc.

However, weather forecast is not looking too good (yes, I know the Antrim coast is not renowned for its endless sunshine) so hope I'll survive. Of course, I'll try to put up some pics and stories when I get back.

Anita Roddick

Not sure about all these obituaries describing her as a pioneering entrepreneur.

Surely the correct word is entrepreneuse?

The other world cup

As armchair sports fans all over the world are settling down to enjoy the rugby in France (come on Portugal!), or the Twenty20 cricket in South Africa, or the vital European championship qualifiers, or the finale to the Formula One season, we should not overlook another sporting event taking place in China this month.

The women's football World Cup got under way yesterday and, unlike in the rugby, Argentina had a dreadful start. In fact they lost by a rugby score, 11-0, to Germany, who underlined their status as one of the favourites. The only representative of the home nations, England, are in the same group and will be looking to start with a win against Japan later today.

Happily all England's matches will be shown on TV, so it gives the uninitiated a good chance to find out about women's football, which has improved a lot in recent years. England are ranked twelfth in the world and have a decent chance of progressing from the group stages. Let's just hope they have a better opening match than the rugby boys did.

Edukashun, Edukashun, Edukashun

It's hard to know what to make of the next video. Is it the Government's latest absurd proposal for schools? Or the Tories' newest hare-brained scheme to raise the achievement of our young people?

Of course not! It's Miss Teen South Carolina pandering to all our stereotypes of bimbo beauty queens with an impassioned plea for more maps. Or something...

Mirrors on the ceiling, the pink champagne on ice...

Norm has a short post featuring an a cappella reworking of Dave Brubeck's classic, Take 5.

Seeing it reminded me of a similar group, Vocal Sampling, from Cuba, who use only their voices to produce the sounds of an entire orchestra. I saw them at the Proms about five years ago where they put on a remarkable show, including an extraordinary version of Strauss' Also sprach Zarathustra (you know, the "monkey becoming man theme" from 2001: A Space Odyssey).

So, if you like your rock classics sans guitar, here are Vocal Sampling covering an old favourite:

A Furtive Tear

There are probably loads of videos of this guy being placed on blogs this morning so why should I buck the trend? This is Donizetti's classic "Una Furtiva Lagrima":



Class - good to see some pre-Nessun Dorma Pavarotti on YouTube.

RIP Big man.

Hey, Mascarenhas, alright!

There has only been one England cricketer called Dmitri and he has just delivered a singularly brilliant performance at the Oval. Reminiscent of both my own long hop-laden bowling and a Stick Cricket innings, I give you the final over of England's innings at the Oval today (courtesy of Cricinfo):

49.1 Yuvraj Singh to Mascarenhas, no run, an ugly and not particularly effective mow
49.2 Yuvraj Singh to Mascarenhas, SIX, and he swings this over midwicket, high and handsome - but Piyush is lurking, and makes excellent ground to take a brilliant catch. However...such was his velocity that he slid into the boundary, and it's six! Tough luck.
49.3 Yuvraj Singh to Mascarenhas, SIX, he takes a step outside leg and smites him for six into the midwicket fence! Bosh!
49.4 Yuvraj Singh to Mascarenhas, SIX, and another one! This is marvellous batting here. Another step outside leg; another six into midwicket
49.5 Yuvraj Singh to Mascarenhas, SIX, he's done it again! And this has gone even further into the midwicket boundary
Where will he bowl now?
49.6 Yuvraj Singh to Mascarenhas, SIX, make that five sixes in the over! And the biggest of the lot, straight back over the bowler's head! Quite breathless cricket

Yes, that's five consecutive sixes, thirty runs, guiding England to a very respectable total of 316-6. Of course, we'll probably have a special from Sachin and India's batsmen now and they'll knock off the runs with ease, but it was pretty good listening while it happened.

Sweet September

Has anyone noticed the weather?

It's been quite good for a change. In fact, I've almost forgotten how terrible it was during June, July and August (yes, I know, now I've put the mockers on it and it will rain until Christmas).

I am glad of this. Unlike most people, who go on holiday during the summer months and return to their dingy offices in September, I spent most of July and August working (not too hard, you understand, but I still had to turn up at nine every morning) and have this month as my "me time". The "Indian Summer of Chris" or something like that.

Anyway, the fair skies over Berkshire have allowed me to enjoy a few walks around my local area this week, and I think the best (so far) was today. I saw rabbits, pheasants, horses that look like Boris Johnson, and Timmy Mallett. At least I think it was Mallett - he was talking to someone, so I didn't intrude, but the oversized pink and yellow hammer he had in his hand gave the game away.



So, my summer is warming up nicely. I hope it keeps on for the next few weeks until I go back to Portugal.

p.s. Does anyone know where I can illegally download the Amy Winehouse album? I quite like the music ("They said I had to wear the niqab, I said no, no, no"), but I don't want to subsidise her crack habit, y'know.

Soul Limbo

Hello all,

It's taken a while for me to get round to posting this, but I wanted to reassure you that the pause in blogging here is only temporary. I'm taking a summer holiday, if you like (in actual fact I'm working, but don't have access to my own computer). It's quite relaxing here in Devon (don't ask - but at least we've avoided the worst of the wet weather) and I'm enjoying a cream tea even as I type.

Normal service, whatever that means, should be resumed around the end of the month. Keep the faith and watch this local documentary which I used with a class this morning:

A movie top 10

I noticed over at Chicken Yoghurt that the Groan has a list of the best thousand films ever and this week the Telegraph is also asking its readers for their 100 favourites.

I'm never sure what to make of these polls or lists - there are well over a thousand really good films (hell, there are 3 passable efforts in the Police Academy series) - and it seems stupid to rank them on something as objective as "best ever". Is the Godfather better than Dr Strangelove? Is the Godfather part II better than the Godfather? Is anything better than Tokyo Story? Has anyone actually seen Tokyo Story?

I'm going to offer a slightly different list, with a narrower remit. It's close to my heart, for reasons that will be obvious, and bound to cause a modicum of debate (I hope). If you have any comments, feel free to leave them.

In no order, 10 films starring people called Christopher:

1. Superman (1978) - Christopher Reeve. You've all seen this, I won't describe the plot. Note: there is no 's' on the end of Reeve.

2. Annie Hall (1977) - Christopher Walken. Only a minor role, but probably my favourite Walken. He plays Diane Keaton's slightly mad little brother.

3. The Return of the Pink Panther (1975) - Christopher Plummer. Every film should star Christopher Plummer. This one's got him and Peter Sellars. What more could you want?

4. Best in Show (2000) - Christopher Guest. Guest directed this dog show spoof, as well as starring in it. He's one of Ricky Gervais' comedy heroes, you know.

5. Short Cuts (1993) - Christopher Penn. Robert Altman at his multiple plot-weaving best. I don't think the late Penn was in a better film than this.

6. CB4 (1994) - Chris(topher) Rock. Rap's equivalent of "This is Spinal Tap", CB4 spoofs gangsta culture in Los Angeles. As a bonus it also stars Chris(topher) Elliot.

7. The Man With The Golden Gun (1974) - Christopher Lee. One of the very worst James Bond films, but at least it had a proper villain. The third nipple idea has been copied, but never bettered.

8. Shallow Grave (1994) - Christopher Eccleston. I think this is Danny Boyle's best film, a proper dark, British thriller. Of course, Eccleston is always watchable.

9. Back to the Future II (1989) - Christopher Lloyd. Another Christopher with a faultless track record, this is my favourite in the Back to the Future series.

10. The Magnificent Seven (1960) - Yul Brynner. The observant amongst you will have noticed that Yul Brynner is not called Christopher. But his character in this classic western is, and that's enough for me to shoehorn him into this list.

Sports News from Canada

Portugal Too Much For New Zealand

The headline in the Toronto Globe and Mail accompanying the match report of Portugal's 2-0 win in the Under-20s Football World Cup.

Somehow I think the Kiwis will have their revenge on the rugby field when the two nations meet in that World Cup in Lyon in September.

A century and a bit of flights

How many times have you flown somewhere? How far have you travelled? How many different airports, airlines or aircraft have you used?

I flew back to the UK for the summer yesterday (Lisbon to Heathrow, TAP flight 356, an Airbus 319, seat 5A), saying goodbye to the sun and hello to snowy London (so I thought - actually the white stuff on the ground was hailstones). By my calculations, it was my 104th air journey.

How did I work this out? Well, if you really want to waste a few hours, I can recommend a website called flightmemory.com. You waste the hours by filling in the details of every flight you've ever taken: the airports (natch), the airlines, the type of plane, which seat etc. The only detail it doesn't ask is whether you were next to a pretty girl or not, but you can add a note if you want (I sat next a pretty girl coming back from Florence when I was 18. I can't remember the airline, but the plane was a Bae 146. As I suavely tried to drink coffee like a sophisticated Italian, I spilt the little milk container all over my jeans, thus failing to make a very good impression. D'oh!).

As you enter the data, the website calculates the miles you have flown and marks all your journeys a on a map (which, if you are really enthusiastic, you can order as a poster), as well as compiling all the statistics you could wish for - a top 10 list of airports, airlines, aircraft and so on.

Here's my rundown:

• My first flight (I think) was about 25 years ago, a short hop from Southampton to Guernsey.
• That's not my shortest flight, however: that honour falls to the 38 mi helicopter trip from Penzance to St Mary's in the Isles of Scilly in 1986.
• My longest flight is 5,966 mi, from Heathrow to Tokyo, a trip I first made in 1997.
• I've been to 61 different airports, from San Jose to Sofia, Beijing to Bamaga (a tiny Aboriginal community in North Queensland), although never to South America or Africa.
• My top 3 airports are: 1 - Heathrow, 2 - Gatwick, 3 - Boston (amazingly, I've taken off or landed there 9 times over the years).
• Overall I've flown 149,993 miles, just over 6 times round the world.

I don't know how these figures would compare to any other 29 year old, although I'm sure they don't stand up against a hardened business traveller (my dad says he's been to the States over 75 times, which is some going). But if you are interested in stats or planes, as all great minds are, you could do worse than try to work your own figures out here.

"Nobody doesn't like Tony Blair."

Have you ever struggled to come up with a good slogan?

Perhaps you've got a new blog, or are thinking of starting a company or releasing a product?

It can cost thousands of pounds to come up with a decent tagline, particularly if you aren't very imaginative, but thankfully there is some help at hand.

This website is a slogan generator and although there are a few blatant ripoffs of major brands there is a wide range of suggestions. Happily, it works in German as well as English, so here are some rebrandings that we might see in the future:

The blog:
Russian Wolfhound, love it or leave it.
The best Russian Wolfhound in the world.
Have a break, have a Russian Wolfhound.

The man:
When you say Chris G you've said it all.
I'd walk a mile for Chris G.
There's a bit of Chris G in all of us.

The terrorists:
al-Qaeda - Think different.
There's lots of fun in al-Qaeda.
al-Qaeda - Alles Gute für Ihr Kind.

The rest:
North Korea? Yes please.
Call a friend, call Hugo Chavez.
Steve McClaren erfrischt den Kopf.
The EU - You see this name, you think dirty.
I wouldn't leave the house without George Bush.
Angela Merkel braucht keine Worte.

Upside down, boy you're turning me...

.ǝɹǝɥdsıɯǝɥ uɹǝɥʇɹou ǝɥʇ oʇ ssǝɔɔns uɐǝpodıʇuɐ s,oɔ puɐ sǝuɹɐq ʎɯɯıظ ǝʇɐ1suɐɹʇ oʇ ɹoʇɹǝʌuoɔ 1ǝsıɥɔ p1oɔ ɐ sı ʍou pǝǝu ǝʍ 11ɐ

.ɹǝpun uʍop suısnoɔ ɹno ʎq pooʇsɹǝpun ǝq oʇ ǝʇıɹʍ noʎ buıɥʇʎuɐ sǝ1qɐuǝ ɥɔıɥʍ 'ʇuǝɯuɹǝʌob uɐı1ɐɹʇsnɐ ǝɥʇ ʎq pǝpıʌoɹd ʇou 'ǝʇısqǝʍ ǝ1ʇʇı1 unɟ ɐ s,ǝɹǝɥ

.ʎʇıʌıʇɔɐ ʎɥʇɹoʍ ʇsoɯ sıɥʇ ǝʇɐʇı1ıɔɐɟ ʇɐɥʇ s1ooʇ puǝɯɯoɔǝɹ oʇ ǝʞı1 ı 'ɥɔns sɐ puɐ uoıʇɐ1suɐɹʇ ɟo p1ɹoʍ ǝɥʇ uı ʇsǝɹǝʇuı buıpuɐʇs-buo1 ɐ ǝʌɐɥ ı 'ʍouʞ 11ıʍ noʎ ɟo ʎuɐɯ sɐ


Hat tip: BoingBoing

The real reason for the floods

Nope, not global warming, or el nino, or development on the flood plain, or a lack of investment in flood defences.

Renowned meteorologists the Bishops of Carlisle and Liverpool have the answer:

the Bishop of Carlisle, ... said that the introduction of pro-gay laws had provoked God to send the storms that have left thousands homeless.

...

The Bishop of Liverpool, the Rt Rev James Jones, previously seen as a future Archbishop of Canterbury or York, said: "People no longer see natural disasters as an act of God. However, we are now reaping what we have sown. If we live in a profligate way then there are going to be consequences." God is exposing us to the truth of what we have done."

I love that "previously" seen as a future AB of C, don't you?

Fortunately, whenever a Bishop makes a stupid comment, there is someone rational to put him in his place:

The Gay and Lesbian Humanist Association's chairman Jim Herrick said:

"The Bishop's comments reveal a primitive, superstitious mind that belongs in the Bronze Age.

"If he thinks these floods are the result of pro-gay laws rather than global warming, then how come far more catastrophic floods afflict homophobic nations such as Bangladesh?

"People like Graham Dow bring religion into even more disrepute with such fatuous comments.

"No wonder people are abandoning the Church of England in such huge numbers when it is led by silly people like him."

Amen to that.

That Brown Cabinet

One of the good things we can say about Brown's accession to the top seat is that it should spell the end of Charlie Falconer's frontline political career.

Of all the New Labour faces who have annoyed me over the years, "Lord" Falconer is the one who gets me shouting at the telly the most. Why? Well, say what you like (or don't like) about Ruth Kelly, Charles Clarke and co, but at least they were elected. Elected by morons, most likely, but that's the beauty of democracy.

Falconer, on the other hand, failed to get a seat in 1997 - the only Labour party member who didn't that year - and as result was elevated to the peerage by Tony Blair. What had he done to deserve this position of power? Er, um, well, he is a rich lawyer and oh, was also Tony Blair's flatmate in the 1970s.

Falconer was Blair's best mate and was a government spokesman on issues from the Dome to constitutional reform, before becoming Lord Chancellor. To see someone with so little apparent merit wielding such influence in public life wound me up no end and I'm thrilled to see him go.

Let's hope GB isn't tempted to make a legislator or cabinet minister out of any of his old school chums, and that Falconer and his bloated ego have blighted the Today programme for he last time.

Ok, rant over. Anyone see this about former Durham graduate, Jonathan Edwards? Finally I can fully respect him.