1. go to www.google.com
2. click on "maps"
3. click on "get directions"
4. type " New York " in the first box (the left hand "from" box)
5. type " London " in the second box (the right hand "to" box)
6 . click on "get directions"
7 . scroll down to step #24
Via email (ta, Pa)
Happy birthday Empire magazine!
The populist film title is 18 and in a very tenuous celebration of this fact, the good folk there have done a poll of the best "18" rated scenes in the movies.
Sadly, there is no mention of my favourite in this category: the scene from the Jamaican gangster flick "The Harder They Come" where Jimmy Cliff slashes the face of a policeman, saying "Don't fock wit' me" with each swing of the blade.
Nevertheless, there are some classic moments in the chart, from Linda Blair masturbating with a crucifux in the Exorcist to the decapitation of David Warner in the Omen.
The winner though, perhaps unsurprisingly, is one of the most iconic scenes in cinema history, for adults only or not. Here, in its unedited glory, is the bit from Alien where the creature bursts forth from John Hurt's chest. Enjoy!
Who's the best grasscourt tennis player in the world?
Easy, Roger Federer.
Really, what about on clay?
Aah, well, Federer is still bloody good, but Rafa Nadal might beat him, that's true.
So, if Federer is best on grass...
No disagreement there, with his Wimbledon record.
...and Nadal is the best on clay,
Without a doubt, unbeaten in 60 odd matches on the red stuff at the moment.
...how can we decide who's best overall?
Aha. Now there's a question. We need some sort of a contest.
Good idea. Do you remember Donovan Bailey?
The hundred metres runner with massive thighs? Yep, what's he got to do with this?
Well, after he won the 100m in Atlanta, and Michael Johnson won the 200m, they had a contest to see who was the best sprinter in the world. To make it, er, fair, they raced indoors over 150m - a rarely contested distance.
Who won that then?
Well, Bailey did, but only after his opponent pulled up. Take a look here and see. Rather spoiled the thing as a contest. Circus is actually the word that comes to mind.
OK, but how do we settle the tennis issue?
I don't know if you'll like this, but I think it's got some legs.
Go on.
How about we build a special court which has clay at one end and grass at the other and have a "battle of the surfaces"?
Oh, for God's sake that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, no-one would go for that in a million years...
By now I'm sure you're all aware that the former Russian President, Boris Yeltsin, has died.
Opinions may differ on how much of a success he was, but my own view was that he did a fairly good job in almost impossible circumstances. Guiding Russia through the post-communist era would have been hard for anyone and I think history will probably look back on him as a success.
Of course, many people have memories of the other side of Boris Yeltsin, the slightly wayward figure, often outrageous in his public appearances. We've all watched the comedy montage on the news, with him conducting the band with Helmut Kohl and making Bill Clinton crack up on the Whitehouse steps. We also remember the hilarious time he hosted Have I Got News For You.
My own favourite of these Yeltsin moments comes from the reality TV show, "Boris and Co", that he made after he went into retirement. Here is our hero, with his sons, after he's been for a little drive:
So, it's come to this simple equation. If England lose today, they will (at long last) be out of the World Cup. If they win, they will put one foot in the semi-finals with just the final group game against the West Indies to come.
(I'm discounting the prospect of a tie, although South Africa have finished both their last two World Cup campaigns with such a result)
On the face of it, the match should be close: two underperforming teams, each mentally shot, lacking the confidence to go out and win matches they shouldn't have lost (England against Sri Lanka, SA against Bangladesh). The latest revelations about South African drinking after their defeat to New Zealand also have strong echoes of, er, pedalogate. Perhaps in the World Cup of boozing, this would be the final.
My prediction for the match is this: a South African will have a big impact on the result. Either one of the Proteas themselves, or England's own South African, Kevin Pietersen, who loves playing against his former countrymen. If he can score big, we might be able to win. Otherwise I think the lads will finally be on the pedalo home.
All the playing's stopped in the playground now
She wants to play with her toys a while.
And school's out early and soon we'll be learning
And the lesson today is how to die.
All the news today (well, some of it) is about Des Browne, the Secretary of State for Defence and whether he will get out of the mess caused by the recent Iranian hostage crisis.
I think a look at the history of the office he holds is likely to provide the answer.
There are basically two types of Defence Secretary: those who use the position as a stepping stone in their cabinet career and go on to much bigger and better things, and those for whom it is the high water mark of their political life and who disappear without trace after they leave the job.
In the first category there have been many luminaries over the years: Denis Healey (1964-70) went on to be Chancellor, Peter Carington (1970-74) became Foreign Secretary and then Secretary-General of NATO, Michael Heseltine (1983-86) was later Deputy Prime Minister, Malcolm Rifkind (1992-95) was another who ended up at the Foreign Office, George Robertson (1997-99) also went off to the top NATO job, and most recently John Reid (2005-6) who has been, er, a big hit as Home Secretary.
One could also mention Michael Portillo, who was Defence Secretary before he lost his seat in 1997 and has since (albeit after a brief return to the Commons) carved out a reasonably successful career in the media.
In contrast, the second type of Defence Secretary is best exemplified by John Nott, who filled the post from 1981-83. Nott famously walked out of a TV interview when Robin Day described him as a "here today and ... gone tomorrow politician". He was "gone" fairly soon afterwards. One could also include the fairly anonymous George Younger (1986-89) or Fred Mulley (1976-79) in the same bracket. Here's Wikipedia on Mulley:
He is best remembered for falling asleep during the Queen's Jubilee Review of the Royal Air Force at RAF Finningley in 1977 when there was considerable noise around him. Having a small sleep during exercise was referred to by members of the RAF as having a "Fred Mulley".The question we ask when we look back at these politicians is not, "How did well did they do?" but, "How on earth did they ever become cabinet ministers in the first place?"
Kurt Vonnegut is dead. So it goes.
Go and read some of his books and join the granfalloon of Vonnegut fans. You won't regret it.
I'd recommend Cat's Cradle or Slaughterhouse V as a starter, but Breakfast of Champions and Hocus-Pocus are also rather good.
Here's a quote to get you started:
"No wonder kids grow up crazy. A cat's cradle is nothing but a bunch of X's between somebody's hands, and little kids look and look and look at all those X's..."
"And?"
"No damn cat, and no damn cradle."
Those clever boffins at Leeds University have been putting their funding to good use by calculating a formula to create the perfect bacon sandwich. So if you're feeling a bit peckish, this is all you need:
I'd never have thought of doing that. Brilliant, these food scientists....two or three back bacon rashers should be cooked under a preheated oven grill for seven minutes at about 240C (475F).
The bacon should then be placed between two slices of farmhouse bread, 1cm to 2cm thick.
N = C + {fb (cm) . fb (tc)} + fb (Ts) + fc . ta, where N=force in Newtons required to break the cooked bacon, fb=function of the bacon type, fc=function of the condiment/filling effect, Ts=serving temperature, tc=cooking time, ta=time or duration of application of condiment/filling, cm=cooking method, C=Newtons required to break uncooked bacon.I used to have a cooker which featured a Newton scale, but all my ready meals had instructions in Kelvins, so I got rid of it. What a fool, eh?
Wow, after many moons, I've been transfered to the "new" Blogger.
I doubt this will increase the quality of the posts, but it may improve things in other ways. We'll see.
Anyway, as I listen to England struggling against Australia (again) I can't help thinking how things might be different if this man were in the Caribbean.
Dear all,
I realised a dream today.
A dream that is shared by all young boys, but takes time to accomplish.
Yes, I did something for the first time which just might change my life forever.
You've guessed it, I drove a tractor!
More impressively, I safely negotiated a number of small trees in the field (swerving to avoid them, not running them over) and kept the big orange monster out of the stream running nearby.
This has put me in a thoroughly good mood, increased by the fact I'm off on holiday to Spain tomorrow. I'll finally get to see Picasso's "Guernica", which has wowed readers of English coursebooks for years.
To celebrate my bonhomie, a short but sweet cartoon from the little mole:
More blogging in a week or so.
As the England football team stumbles hopelessly and goallessly forward under the leadership of the braying, orange Steve McClaren, a man who clearly wants to spend the summer of 2008 watching the Olympics from his luxury mansion rather than the European Championships from the intimate confines of the dugout, I can report some actual successes on the sporting field.
Firstly I should congratulate the England cricket team who have, for the first time since 1992, avoided being knocked out in the first round of a world cup. This means a guaranteed six more matches in the super 8 stage and with any luck a couple of victories, against Ireland and Bangladesh. To get to the semis we'll have to beat one or two of the big boys. I'd say we have a chance against the Windies, but I think we'll struggle against South Africa, Australia and Sri Lanka. I'm sticking with my tip of NZ to win the thing overall.
Secondly, Portugal have achieved their aim of qualifying for the rugby world cup. You may recall I went to see the home leg a fortnight ago, where they defeated Uruguay 12-5. Well, they lost the return in Montevideo 18-12 last night, but got through 24-23 on aggregate. Congratulations to them - it's good to see rugby growing in popularity around the world - although I doubt they'll record a positive result in a group including New Zealand, Italy, Scotland and Romania. Well, perhaps against Scotland.
Danny Finkelstein is looking for right-wing music. Beyond the obvious Wagner or Elvis and the string-em-up tendencies of the Gilbert and Sullivan set, the cupboard is a little bare. Danny’s inspiration for this was the American rocker, Ted Nugent, who is a prominent member of the National Rifle Association.
By coincidence, I saw Nugent the other day on “Cribs”, MTV’s version of "Through the Keyhole", where overpaid musicians and actors expose their appalling lack of decorative taste. As with most Cribbers, Nugent has a large pad with more TVs than anyone could realistically watch. Unlike the Timberlakes and Timbalands of this world, though, Ted Nugent’s house is adorned with the paraphernalia and trophies of his life’s passion: hunting. A zebra’s head peers from out of the hall wall across at a Canadian black bear, and there are more guns and bows than a small army would need. “I’m just living the American dream,” he says. Truly Ted Nugent is a musical voice on the right of the political spectrum.
Who else could we put in this category? Well, there’s a certain Thatcherite sentiment to ABBA’s "The Winner Takes it All" (belying the notion that all Swedes are happy socialists), balanced by Nick Berry’s strictly Old Labour "Every Loser Wins". And several successful artists have relocated over the years to avoid paying exorbitant tax rates in the UK: one can assume they are opponents of “big” government. These names include Led Zeppelin and Phil Collins (how many were inspired to vote Labour when he promised to leave the country if they got in? I know I was). Abroad, the situation is the same – legendary Frenchman, Jonny Hallyday is living in Switzerland to reduce his tax burden, and, while extolling the virtues of giving to the needy, Bono and his U2 chums have moved their business interests to the Netherlands to cut the amount they have to give to the Exchequer.
Back to the main point, though, I think there is only one winner in the right-wing music stakes. Reminiscent of Engelbert Humperdinck’s priceless “Lesbian Seagull”, below we have former US Attorney General, John Ashcroft, singing his own “Let the Eagle Soar”, a paean to the best of the United States. Lest we forget, Ashcroft was appointed by Dubya as Attorney General after he lost his Senate seat to a dead man in the 2000 election. Suffice to say the dead man probably has a better ear for a tune too. Apologies for the wobbly camera, I think the person videoing this is laughing quite heartily.
And for some right-wing comedians, that other rare beast, click here.
England attempt to get their World Cup campaign back on track this afternoon against Canada, but will do so without their talismanic all-rounder, Freddie Flintoff, who has been dropped for a "breach of team discipline".
According to reports, Flintoff capsized a pedalo and had to be rescued from the chilly depths in the middle of the night. There can be no more pathetic vehicle on land or sea (not even a golf cart) and somehow this story sums up the sad state of English cricket, which is listing desperately at the moment and could be holed below the water line by the Canucks this afternoon.
Although, I enjoyed Bangladesh (I think I predicted they might beat India?)and Ireland emerging victorious yesterday, I hope they don't provide too much inspiration for our maple-syrup glugging cousins. News is they've won the toss and put us in. Let's try to get a big score and take a step closer to the Super 8s.
Will try to post regularly over the next few weeks, but Blogger is quite temperamental in terms of letting me log in and actually do anything useful.
While I'm allowed access at the moment, I'll just say well done to the West Indies for their victory yesterday (told you Pakistan weren't up to much) and good luck to the Jocks against Australia this afternoon.
Yesterday I used the Elton John classic, Rocket Man, in one of my classes. Thus I am honour-bound to post this reworking by a famous space captain. Enjoy...
Sixteen nations. Twelve grounds in nine countries. Seven weeks. Fifty-one matches. One winner.
That's the Cricket World Cup in numbers, but how will it play out? I am, of course, looking forward to it immensely, as I think most cricket fans are. It's much too long, due to a schedule that prevents more than one match taking place on any particular day, but as a tournament, it's almost completely wide open, which should provide us with some great cricket over the next few weeks.
Here's my hastily cobbled together preview:
I suppose that, despite their recent defeats to England and New Zealand, Australia just about enter the tourney as favourites. They have experience and quality throughout their team and cannot be written off by anyone. However, there is some question about their bowling, with Brett Lee out, and Glenn McGrath at the end of his career. A lot will be expected of Nathan Bracken and Stuart Clark (a great record in tests, but less good in the short form). Ponting, Gilchrist and Hussey are the backbone of a great batting lineup.
England will have some confidence from their recent success in Australia and will be boosted by the return of Kevin Pietersen to the side. If he and Flintoff can hit top form, we'll be able to chase most targets and post challenging ones for other teams. The major weakness is a lack of experience amongst the squad, with only two 100 cap players (Flintoff and Collingwood). We also lack an attacking presence at the top of the batting order, which means we could get bogged down in the scoring. However, the pitches in the West Indies are unproven and possibly tricky, so it could be an advantage to have classic batting stylists such as Bell and Vaughan who are able to build a platform on their superior technique, rather than slogging (sorry, pinch-hitting) early on. Maybe. If we can beat New Zealand on Friday, we can count ourselves in with a shout.
Conversely, the Kiwis will be among the favourites if they can beat us. Their hopes rest on the injury-prone Shane Bond. If he's fit, he'll probably be the best fast bowler in the competition and can run through teams like the proverbial through a goose. His record against the Aussies is particularly good. But, if, as so often, he gets injured, New Zealand might lack a cutting edge.
The hosts, the West Indies, are probably my second favourite team, but I'm not sure they'll make it beyond the Super 8s. They have the batsmen to cut it in the short game (Gayle, Chanderpaul, Sarwan and, of course, the peerless Brian Lara) but I don't think their bowling is world class at the moment. Still, the crowds will be behind them and their performance will dictate how successful the tournament is. I think they'll start with a win against Pakistan tomorrow.
The number one ranked team is South Africa, and they have a very strong and experienced squad. I think they could well get to the semis, and their group game against Australia could prove crucial to their chances. The question is whether they can hold their nerve when the pressure is on - something they've failed to do in the past couple of World Cups. I don't think you can write off any team that can chase 435 and win, though.
Among the teams from the sub-continent, India and Sri Lanka are strongly tipped. They are in the same group, so their game should be one of the highlights of the first round. I think both have the potential to get to the semis and slow pitches should suit their games. A spanner could be thrown in the works by Bangladesh, who are also in their group, and who are the strongest of the "outsiders". I fancy them to give India and Sri Lanka a good game and wouldn't be surprised if they came out with a victory: their medium pacers could pose a few threats on sluggish surfaces. Bizarrely, I don't fancy Pakistan to do well at all - their bowling is short without Asif and Shoaib (drugs cheats who are both injured) - although their batting can be very dangerous.
The minnows in the tournament are Bermuda, Scotland, Canada, Ireland, Kenya and Holland and they'll be happy to beat each other in the group stages. Mind you, Kenya got to the semis in bizarre circumstances last time so I suppose nothing is impossible. Ireland should have a chance to beat Zimbabwe, the weakest test nation.
So, it all kicks off tomorrow, with Windies against Pakistan. I suspect I'll be spending a lot of time on cricinfo between now and the end of April.
Although most egg-chasing eyes are on the Six Nations as that particular tournament reaches its climax, those of us who don't live in the British Isles, France or Italy have to get our fix elsewhere. And what better place than Lisbon's lovely University Stadium, lined with fragrant eucalyptus and pine trees, to watch the play-off for the final place in the Rugby World Cup, to be held in France this Autumn.
Before I got here, I didn't realise they even played rugby in Portugal, let alone that the national team was actually fairly competitive. Anyway, it turns out Portugal aren't bad at all and are taking on Uruguay over two legs for a chance to play in the main event later this year.
We watched the first match yesterday (free entry and a free scarf (not necessary in the 20 degree sunshine) and in front of an enthusiastic crowd, Portugal prevailed 12-5 in a largely attritional affair. They probably just deserved the victory, taking advantage of two Uruguayan sin-binnings to score their two tries. They were a bit unfortunate to concede a late try in the final minute, but I guess it leaves things finely poised for the return leg in Montevideo in a couple of weeks.
I hope Portugal can get through, as it would be great to have a new country at the World Cup, and given their defensive strength (very well drilled, I thought) I think their noses are just ahead.
Will write about the cricket later, am now off to watch second half of Chelsea-Spurs. (C'mon you spuds!)
This should be good, there are three English teams left and they are the bookies' favourites for the big cup. I wonder if they can avoid each other?
- Hosted by Matthew Lorenzo, who used to be on London Tonight. Bit of a step up from Brentford against Southend.
- Boring preamble with Ludovic Guily. Yawn. Get on with it!
- They'll be drawing the semis today as well. Oh, here comes Platini - new UEFA Prezz. He's giving the cup to the mayor of Athens (where the final will be held at the end of May). A chap called Timon, apparently.
- Timon has a fetching orange tie. It's rather more exciting than his speech. Phew, he's finished.
- Who will have their hands on the balls? It's none other than a bald bloke and a bloke with hair. I think one is the Tango man.
- Ex-Leicester star Theo Zagorakis is now chewing the fat with Lorenzo. When will they draw the thing?
- Aha, Tango man is presenting. Hair man and Theo will pull out the teams. The audience of journos and club chairmen is struggling to stay awake.
- After nearly 20 minutes, we're ready to go:
AC Milan v. Bayern Munich - A clash of the titans first up. Rather increases the chance of Liverpool v Chelsea
PSV Eindhoven v. Liverpool - Yeah, woo! Excellent! Should win this one no probs. Of course, that's what Arsenal said last time. Good draw for the reds, though.
AS Roma v. Manchester United -The English teams have avoided each other. United will fancy their chances here.
Chelsea v. Valencia - A tricky assignment for Mourinho and co, but I think they'll win over two legs.
- Now for the semi-final pairings:
Chelsea or Valencia v. PSV or Liverpool - if Liverpool do get through, Benitez will play his old club, or his nemesis, Mourinho. He'd love it if he beat them.
Milan or Bayern v. Roma or Man Utd - tough route for United to get to the final, but I'd still tip them to do so.
- I don't believe this, they're drawing the final, too. Surprise, surprise, it's the winners of semi-final 2 against the winners of semi-final 1.
- Thank god that's over. Let's hope the matches themselves are more exciting than this nonsense.
Well done to Martin Scorsese for finally winning a little gold statuette after so many years of failure. I accidentally watched "The Departed" last night (I'd intended to see "The Last King of Scotland", as I've always been interested in James I/VI, but the bus was late so I plumped for next best choice) and was pleasantly surprised. Not that it's a pleasant film, with lots of shootings and Alec Baldwin, but it is well written and directed, and probably deserves the gongs it's received.
The acting is also pretty sharp, with "Marky" Mark Wahlberg in a great little fast-talking role. Reminded me of when he used to rap for a living.
I haven't seen "The Queen" yet, although I'm sure it will be shown on telly when Brenda finally pops her clogs. I am, of course, a huge fan of Helen Mirren. I think my favourite film of hers is "The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover", in which she plays the (frequently naked) wife. I also enjoyed "Excalibur", where she plays the scantily clad Morgana, "Caligula", where she's a saucy nymphomaniac, and er, "Calendar Girls", where she struggles to keep her clothes on, even as a middle-aged housewife. A fine body, of work, to be sure, and a worthy recipient of the Breast Actress, I mean, Best Actress Oscar.
